horror film

Dr. Pont Du Loc’s Evil Island: A Choose Your Own Film Adventure Starring Johnny Depp

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Johnny Depp Dr. Pont Du Loc's Evil Island poster

So, I had a dream. It had nothing to do with racial equality or any other variation, but it had everything to do with Johnny Depp encountering an evil sorcerer/scientist who lives on an island in a parallel reality and creates horrible-looking demons using men that he somehow lures to the island. Yeah, it’s a lot like The Island of Dr. Moreau, but not. I was going to simply detail this dream in the form of a little film script, but I decided to make it another Choose Your Own Film Adventure instead, this time with a few illustrations (which will come later) to accompany the story. Why not?

And yes, this one is much more massive than the last story I wrote. At 28 pages and nearly 20,000 words, I don’t expect people to reach every ending or plot direction, but let’s just say there are plenty of ways to travel through and end this story.

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The Thing: Theories About Who Became a Thing and When

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The Thing opening title GIF

“Let’s get this straight. I hate The Thing. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I think it’s the shittiest horror film ever, and John Carpenter should be ashamed of everything about it.” That was me for years up until yesterday, when I finally watched my new Amazon copy of The Thing on Blu-Ray for the first time. Now I love it, although I don’t think it’s as good as John Carpenter’s masterpiece Ghosts of Mars, obviously. I also think the late Charles Hallahan, who plays Norris here, was much better in The Pest. But here is my theory after watching it about who became infected exactly when, as people know this movie leaves infection points pretty ambiguous throughout. After all, where would the surprise element be otherwise, right?

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The Gingerdead Man (2005) Review

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I don’t come across that many great Christmas-themed horror films made in the last ten years, but there is a film that I’ve recently had the pleasure of watching in a dark room last Saturday morning at 6:00 AM sharp when I finally popped it into my DVD player; I had owned the movie for nine years since its release in 2005, but was too afraid to watch it. The cover gave me chills, and I had three nightmares in one night about this horrible looking creature. I’m glad I finally mustered up the courage after four vodka Red Bulls to finally watch it last weekend, though. And it was every bit as glorious as I thought it would be. It surprisingly had a lot of funny moments in it as well that had me guffawing quite a few times like a toddler on speed.

To end the suspense I’m sure is butchering you, I will tell you that this film is The Gingerdead Man, produced and directed by Charles Band. He also wrote and produced 1989’s Puppetmaster, which is in my opinion the best horror film of the 1980s in every way.

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Breeders (1986) Review

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[WARNING: This review contains screenshots of various nude women, including shots of actresses who appear to be in the midst of orgasmic heaven while bathing in what looks like vanilla pudding. If you are under 18 and looking at this review for masturbation material because you don’t have access to actual porn due to parental locks, or can’t get laid, I can understand perfectly. However, if you’re above 18 and came here looking for the same thing, I suggest you visit a variety of other sites that have a lot more explicit material to satisfy your needs. Escort services are also a good bet if you want the real thing. Google is a great friend. Thanks for taking a look at this review in any case!]

It’s common knowledge that the greatest horror films are the ones that explore themes most people are afraid to explore, from extreme torture, to vicious cold-blooded murder, to alien rape and subsequent impregnation in abandoned subway stations. The latter is what this film dives into with unadulterated fearlessness, and it sure as hell does a fine job keeping the topic original and classy.

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Ghosts of Mars (2001) Review

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People have praised John Carpenter’s Halloween and The Thing as his crowning achievements, acknowledging them as groundbreakers in the genre of horror, with Halloween often credited with spawning a slew of slasher flicks that saturated the 1980s into today, while The Thing supposedly changed the shape (pun most certainly intended) of movie monsters. At the same time, people forget to appreciate the film that represents the true pinnacle of Carpenter’s career, a culmination of all that he has hoped to achieve in the realm of horror ever since the inception of his career. That film is 2001’s Ghosts of Mars.

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