Dr. Pont Du Loc’s Evil Island: A Choose Your Own Film Adventure Starring Johnny Depp

c. Burns the condoms and the rest of the facility with them

Those matches and gas cans look like they serve a purpose, and Johnny comes to the conclusion that this purpose is to burn this place to the ground. It’s a horrible facility, both in appearance and in operation, warranting a heroic act of arson. Johnny snatches the gas can dowsing all of the condoms in gasoline, grabs the match box, backs up out of the closet, lights a match, and tosses it in the closet.

Whatever glistening fluid covering the condoms is highly flammable, enhancing the ensuing flames that extend from the fallen match. Johnny runs away as the rest of the facility immediately begins erupting in flames.

Dr. Pont Du Loc locks the impact doors before Johnny can escape, however.

DR. PONT DU LOC
(laughing)
You can’t stop me, Johnny.
You may be able to burn the facility,
but that’s what I wanted you to do,
so I could show you how powerful
I am, like the bad guy in that
movie you were in, The Ninth Gate.
Watch as I step into the fire,
and survive.

The Doctor steps into the flames engulfing the far wall of the cave, but unlike his prediction, he winds up completely consumed by the fire, and he screams in agony as he burns. Johnny shakes his head as he watches the Doctor suffer, and then turns back to the impact doors to continue pounding on them. Once the Doctor dies, the doors instantly open, all of the slaves turn human (although Johnny neglects to open their cages and free them), and Johnny dashes outside.

EXT. EVIL ISLAND

Johnny runs out just in time as the research and development center behind him explodes. When he turns around, a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN with auburn hair and piercing emerald eyes stands nude on the beach rocks.

BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
I’ve been waiting for you, Johnny.
This is your destiny.
And now you have me.

JOHNNY
Um, alright.

The two proceed to make out and have sex like Johnny’s character and Emmanuel Seigner’s character at the end of The Ninth Gate. The camera pulls back as the flames from the R&D center fire appear to devour them.

THE END

If you don’t want to see Johnny get laid after all this, and want other references to his films, go ahead and go back to make a different choice about the condom closet, or head back to page 1 for a potentially very different ending.

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