Dr. Pont Du Loc’s Evil Island: A Choose Your Own Film Adventure Starring Johnny Depp

a. Returns to his own world alone

While the idea of joining his older version and enjoying his riches seems tempting, Johnny decides he belongs in his more familiar current life, even if he seems mentally connected with Older Johnny. Chicago has grown on him, and he prefers the idea of just hanging out in seedy bars, getting laid, and living the simple life he was before all this, while acting in 21 Jump Street even though he hates how it’s turned him into a teen idol.

JOHNNY
I’m going back to my world.
I’m kind of comfortable with Chicago,
and I just kind of want to drink,
get laid, and go to clubs,
that kind of thing, you know?

OLDER JOHNNY
I guess I can understand that.
I’ve got too much in my world
at this point.

JOHNNY
Cool, man. I’ll see you some other
time, maybe, if something
like this happens again.

OLDER JOHNNY
Yeah, I’m not sure of the circumstances
that would get us to meet again,
but we’ll see. Maybe this Evil Doc
will be back, for all we know.

JOHNNY
I hope not.

OLDER JOHNNY
Well, farewell, friend.
I’ll see you in another
dimension, I suppose.

JOHNNY
See ya.

Both Johnnies access their own portals via the desk panel, opening across from each other in the center of the room, and each Johnny steps into his. They turn around and face each other, giving each other one last wave, and the Johnnies go back to their own worlds.

Johnny passes out in the portal, as the bright white light is too intense and the sensation of movement becomes overwhelming.

CUT TO:

EXT. LAME RAINY CHICAGO STREET – NIGHT

Johnny wakes up in the middle of Clark St. in Chicago’s North Side, feeling like his life has returned to the exact same situation it was in before ever venturing to Dr. Pont Du Loc’s island. He gets up and walks down the street to his favorite bar.

INT. SHITTY BAR

Johnny walks in the bar and sits down, ready to order a drink.

The bartender walks up to him.

BARTENDER
(rolling his eyes)
Oh, not you again.
You left like ten minutes ago.
Now you’re back?

JOHNNY
Ten minutes? It felt a lot
longer than that, man.
lot longer.

BARTENDER
You’re not gonna try
telling me you’re this
huge movie star this time,
are ya?

The bartender turns to the brunette sitting at the bar alone.

BARTENDER (CONT’D)
(to woman)
This hot shot is, um,
Johnny Depp, whoever that is.
Some big movie star.

WOMAN
Oh yeah? What are you in,
apart from 21 Jump Street?

JOHNNY
(looking down, depressed)
Look. I just want a drink.

BARTENDER
Sure, movie star.
What’ll it be?

JOHNNY
Anything whose taste
will wake me up and
can get me plenty wasted.

BARTENDER
Malort it is.

JOHNNY
Ugh, all right.

The bartender pours Johnny a shot of Malort and Johnny knocks back the nasty concoction. He thinks to himself that his life, while back to his perceived normal state, is likely to change in the future. He thinks about Older Johnny and recalls learning about his world, about the riches ahead. And now that the evil Dr. Pont Du Loc is taken care of, there’s nothing to bring him out of that comforting world ahead and pluck him out.

Sure, he may not star in a ton of hits later on, but that could always change, and he’s got enough respect in the acting community to hold his own for the rest of his life. And shit, hanging out with Hunter S. Thompson is enough to mark your life complete as well.

Johnny gives the bartender a condescending grin.

JOHNNY
One more.

THE END

Like this ending? It’s not the best, but it’s something. You can go back to page 1 to start this adventure again or just choose Older Johnny’s world instead, if you want something a bit different and Malort-free.

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