Dr. Pont Du Loc’s Evil Island: A Choose Your Own Film Adventure Starring Johnny Depp

c. Ignores the question and drones on and on about how much he actually hates the show 21 Jump Street

You know what I really hate?
Fucking 21 Jump Street, man.
You know how much it sucks
being a teen idol? Do you?

(unimpressed, shaking his head)
I don’t know what that is.

Really? You’ve never heard of it?

Nope. Can’t say I have.

Well, it’s terrible. I’m telling you.

Then I’ll be sure to stay away.

Never watch that shit.
Maybe the movie, where I have
a cameo, but not the show.
Watch something like Sweeney Todd or
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas instead.

They made a movie of Fear and Loathing?
I didn’t know that.

Y-yeah, man. I was Raoul Duke.

When was this?

Johnny pauses and struggles to remember the exact year, and can’t. In fact, he can’t even recall his performance, merely being friends with Hunter S. Thompson and observing his mannerisms. Was he actually Raoul Duke, or did he imagine that he was?

(noticing Johnny’s silence)
You okay?

No. I don’t know. Maybe. Sure.
I need to get out of here.

Johnny pays for his drink and leaves.


Johnny walks in the rain, wandering the streets, trying to come to terms with who he is. He tries his hardest to recall his performance in Fear and Loathing, but cannot remember anything but a stream of Rolling Stones songs with which he grew up.

The only performance he can recall, in fact, is as the youthful cop in goddamn 21 Jump Street. It would seem that in his hatred for the show, he has trapped his entire career in that single performance. He can’t even remember being the hapless teen who gets sucked into the bed and turned into a blood spout in Nightmare on Elm Street, either. As he gets locked into that single character of Officer Tom Hanson, he experiences a seizure as his mind erases literally every other memory from his brain.

He collapses on the street, crippled, condemned to replaying this fan video in his head for all eternity:


Return to page 1 if you would like to try to save Johnny from this, and potentially meet Dr. Pont-Du-Loc.

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