Dr. Pont Du Loc’s Evil Island: A Choose Your Own Film Adventure Starring Johnny Depp

a. Say nice things to the man-scissors hybrid, befriending it

Friendliness is a good virtue, Johnny decides. This man-scissors hybrid is obviously in a lot of pain, and his very tortured existence is entirely a result of Johnny’s, apparently. It may be in both their best interests if they forge a friendship, Johnny further reasons.

Do you have a friend?

I… have… one… friend.
His name… is… Doctor… Pont
Du Loc. He has… been… a great…

But he made you into this horrible
thing, no offense. You look like
you’re suffering a lot. I want to
free you.

I… like… pain. It gives… me…
purpose… and… direction.
If… you… become… a…
slave… you will… understand.

What if I say no?

You… don’t… have… a…
choice… in… the… matter.
I… am… going… to…
turn… you… into a… slave.
Then… we will… be… true…
friends… and… your… suffering…
will… become… enjoyable.

Feeling this is a lost cause based on this chat alone, Johnny turns around to leave the facility, but the four freed slaves grab and hold him in place. Johnny begins to scream and attempt to shake their grasp, but his efforts prove futile.

The slaves force him to the ground as the man-scissors hybrid steps over him, and the monster bends down to turn Johnny on his back. The monster uses the scissors to cut Johnny’s clothes off, and digs several scissor tips sticking out of his chest into Johnny’s chest. Through the tips of the scissors, a bright orange serum is injected which will induce mental and physical changes, initiating the transformation into Dr. Pont Du Loc’s slave.

The process takes several hours, and a montage shows each stage of progression, from the distortion of Johnny’s arms and legs, to the excessive rapid growth of body hair, to the applying of brown and white clay paint on his face by the other slaves for identification purposes. His eyes are filled with vacant sadness, irises turned from dark brown to yellow. His hair is a stringy, disheveled mess, and he oddly finds solace in his new form, as his suffering finally makes sense.




Johnny awakens in his dark cage, feeling lost and confused, the way Dr. Pont Du Loc’s slaves are intended to feel on a consistent basis. He experiences a deep and perpetual sadness he’s never known in any of his film roles, and hopelessness overwhelms his senses. At the same time, he figures the upside is that if he ever got out, this would make for some serious inspiration in a future role. However, he’d need to figure out how to change back to his original form before becoming a movie star. Simultaneously, he doesn’t feel a strong desire to leave, preferring to remain miserable for the rest of his life in this gloomy place.

All of a sudden, he looks up and sees a familiar face. It can’t be. The WOMAN FROM THE BAR! She’s looking very much like a heroine, with her athletic 20-something figure, stacked chest, perfect symmetrical face, and puffy blonde hairstyle you’d only see in the ’80s. Her beautiful face bares nothing but confusion, though. What could she be doing here? Did she travel the same route to get to the island?

The woman is faced with the same situation as Johnny was, apparently, with Dr. Pont Du Loc at his desk, working on whatever it is he’s working on, and the cages of slaves (now six, with the addition of Johnny) to her left. Johnny, unsure of how or why she’s here, considers the possibility of getting her help. Of course, he’s also unsure if that’s really what he wants. He feels a primal loyalty to Dr. Pont Du Loc, like that of a dog’s. There’s still part of his human soul within, and it clings relentlessly.


a. Calls out to the woman and tries to get her to help him escape (page 15)
b. Sides with Pont Du Loc, and alerts him to the woman’s presence (page 16)

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