Hands of Death (1987) Review

So, for my third to last chapter in “Kung Fu Gunk Fu”, I planned on reviewing Godfrey Ho’s Hands of Death (aka Ninja Operation 7: Royal Warriors, even though it’s not actually a sequel to anything, and there are no warriors or anything “royal”), but then I discovered to my absolute horror that this was not the Hands of Death in my 20 Kung Fu Movie Pack DVD set when sitting down to watch it. Instead, that film turned out to be a different 1974 Hands of Death, aka The Tongfather, starring and directed by Peng (or Roc) Tien.

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New Review Coming Tonight, for Real

I know in my last blog post entry about The Tasting Room I said my new review for Hands of Death would be two weekends ago, but of course things come up. I’ve been working on the review the past few days, though, and I will definitely have it up later this evening. By later this evening, I’m talking around midnight Central Standard Time in America (thought I’d be specific for any international readers).

I wouldn’t even bother posting about this, but I actually saw that someone searched “hands of death 1987 review” today, which probably indicates there’s an audience who might like to see this thing posted.

So, get ready for some Mike Abbott action with those perpetually psychotic eyes.

Mike Abbott surprised with wide eyes

(Source for this magnificent .gif)

Try the Tasting Room for Tons of Wine

Alright, I’ll start by saying that I’m posting another review sometime this weekend, this time for Godfrey Ho’s magnum opus Hands of Death. But for now, I want to talk about wine.

Do you like wine? Does the idea of a good wine consume your every being? Is it your philosophy: the yin and yang of white and red forever intertwined? Does a five-foot bottle walk into your bedroom in the middle of the night shouting “Mommy!” even if you’re a single guy without a kid and you just want to get some sleep? Do you find yourself in the office at around 5 going completely catatonic, unable to think about anything but wine pouring over your brain and through every vein as you drool on your desk, your ears bleed red wine, and the coworker next to you thinks you’re having an aneurysm? Well, I’ve got the perfect solution to help cure all of your wine needs: get regular or semi-regular shipments of wine.

cersei-wine-drink

The Tasting Room is a company that figures out your tastes in wine and sends shipments of 2, 6 or 12 bottles to your door based on your selections. The way it works is you can sign up for a free membership, and get a tasting kit of 6 mini bottles (that kit is also free if you sign up through my link back there), and then you rate the wines like Netflix movies. The Tasting Room will recommend wine selections based on your ratings, and you can order a shipment anytime within the next three months to your door. You can mix whites and reds, or simply get a shipment of all whites or reds if you’re a racist. Bottles usually cost a little under $13 apiece.

Once you become a member, you can get $20 off your next wine order if you share your specific referral link and get others to become members.

It’s a great deal, and if you’re a wino who doesn’t take advantage of this, you’re probably actually a wimoron.

Hannibal Lecter drinking wine delicately
Be like this guy, who’s probably the best man you’ll ever meet.

An Open Letter to Jeff Daniels

Jeff Daniels at PaleyFest

Hi Jeff (I hope I can call you Jeff like you’re my best bud),

I’m not your biggest fan. I like your work, and enjoy your appearances, but I wouldn’t call myself the kind of guy who just watches a film or show because you’re in it. I just thought I’d write you, a pretty cool dude, an open letter. Sometimes a man gets the itch to write to a celebrity, and you just happen to be that celeb, the guy I used to call “Jeff Dannels” when I was a child who’d never heard the name “Daniel” before.

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Daniel Craig’s Forehead Should Definitely Be the Next Bond

Daniel Craig's forehead with white background
Meet the best potential candidate for the new Bond, in my opinion.

We know that Spectre will be Daniel Craig’s final turn as everyone’s favorite alcoholic misogynist spy James Bond. Studios have been scrambling to find the next candidate. Men like Tom Hardy and Idris Elba have been in talks (with Elba ruled out as too old), but people are completely overlooking whom I think truly deserves the role once he’s finished: Daniel Craig’s forehead.

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Give an Affiliate Network a Shot!

Okay, so I’m not the kind of guy who loves to advertise a bunch, but I recently signed up for LinkShare, which is now the Rakuten Affiliate Network. I figured I could use some extra monies, and I’ve known a bit about affiliate networking for a while, so why not? So far I’m liking the layout of the Rakuten platform.

Unfortunately, WordPress.com, as you may know, doesn’t give bloggers the ability to put image ads on their blogs, and WordAds is still under development, so in the meantime, all we’ve got working in our favor are affiliate text links. I’ll just go ahead and place this thing here now to get it out of the way: Come Join the #1 Affiliate Network!

Now, it’s completely free to sign up for LinkSh––Rakuten Affiliate Network, and you can find tons of links from a variety of advertisers to put on your website, as well as image ads such as banners. It’s a great way for us useless bloggers to make money, and if your platform allows image ads, all the better. I wish I could put some Rifftrax ads up here, but I may just have to switch over to .org before that beautiful dream becomes a reality.

happy affiliate woman
I thought this post could use an image, so here’s a borderline psychotic happy affiliate, whom I hope I never meet.

The Rakuten website is really easy to use, and while I’m still looking for the perfect linking opportunities (hard to do for a blog about films and nothing else… well, except for Rakuten now), it looks like I may have a bright future with this site, and figured I’d share. Plus, if you join through that link up there, I might get something, and if you share their link once you sign up, you may be able to do the same. It’s a cycle of awkward advertising, but here’s to hoping it works in our favor.