Dr. Pont Du Loc’s Evil Island: A Choose Your Own Film Adventure Starring Johnny Depp

b. Teams with the woman to put an end to Dr. Pont Du Loc

Unsure of what to do to protest the Doctor’s proposition apart from shake his head and pound on the ground, thus ensuring his ultimate enslavement, Johnny runs forward and charges at the Doctor. Caught by surprise even though he shouldn’t be, Dr. Pont Du Loc doesn’t have time to react and gets knocked down onto his desk, which the corner of his head hits, knocking him out indefinitely.

As blood from the gash in the Doctor’s head pours out on the rocky floor, Johnny tries to figure out how best to finish him off, standing in place for a moment and looking around with his chimp-like head.

WOMAN FROM THE BAR
Oh my God. I don’t know how
to thank you. You saved my life.
Thank you for choosing me
over yourself. Maybe we can
help you turn back into your
normal self.

Johnny nods to her, and continues looking around for a way to kill Dr. Pont Du Loc, when a bright ovular light appears in the middle of the room, a portal of some kind. As Johnny and the woman struggle to look inside of it, the silhouette of a man wearing a loose Hawaiian shirt, high shorts, high socks, golf shoes and a cigarette holder complete with a Dunhill cigarette appears against the light, gripping a .44. The man is HUNTER S. THOMPSON, the Good Doctor who’s come to save the day.

HUNTER S. THOMPSON
(looking at befallen
Dr. Pont Du Loc)
Oh, looks like you took care
of him.

JOHNNY
(shaking head, pounding fists
on ground)
Goom, goom, poom!

HUNTER S. THOMPSON
Uh, Johnny? Is that you?

Johnny nods.

HUNTER S. THOMPSON (CONT’D)
Jesus! What’ve they done to you?

WOMAN FROM THE BAR
This psychopath scientist guy turned
these guys into slaves.
He was gonna make me a sex
slave until Johnny decided
to attack him.

HUNTER S. THOMPSON
And the psycho is that bleeding
sack of shit on the ground?

WOMAN FROM THE BAR
Yeah. We just need to finish him off.

The woman then spots a large, loose rock on the ground, picks it up, walks over to Dr. Pont Du Loc, and proceeds to beat his head in with it until there’s nothing but a bloody, brainy and bony pulp gathered on the cave floor. Johnny cheers with “gooms” and “jooms,” jumping in the air.

Upon the Doctor’s death, all of the slaves in the cave turn back into their human forms, including Johnny. The woman, impressed by Johnny’s actual appearance, runs over to him and gives him a hug.

HUNTER S. THOMPSON
(to the woman)
I could’ve just shot the guy,
but I guess it’s personal for you.
No getting in the way of a woman
with an unsatisfied vendetta.

JOHNNY
(to Hunter)
It’s always good seeing you.

HUNTER S. THOMPSON
Yeah, I know. Unfortunately
I had no fucking reason for
coming here. Just pop through
a portal and watch this crazy woman
go apeshit on that guy.

JOHNNY
Well, regardless, glad you could come.

HUNTER S. THOMPSON
Yeah, well, I’m out of here.
I’ve got more interesting things
to do.

Johnny and the woman from the bar wave Hunter goodbye as he steps back through his white portal and disappears.

Johnny looks at the Doctor’s desk and finds a green button that can take him and the woman back to their world, marked “Open Young Johnny’s Portal.” He presses it, and another white portal opens up in the center of the room. While neglecting to free the now-human slaves from their locked cages, Johnny and the woman walk through the portal hand-in-hand as the slaves shout for help just as they pass through and it closes.

EXT. LAME RAINY CHICAGO STREET – NIGHT

Johnny and the woman walk down the street together, when Johnny decides to finally ask about her name.

JOHNNY
What is your name, by the way?

WOMAN FROM THE BAR
Jane.

JOHNNY
Hmm. Cool.
Want to go to the bar?

WOMAN FROM THE BAR
Sure. I could use a drink
after all of that.

JOHNNY
I hear you.

The two hold hands because they’re automatically in love as all heroes become by the end of movies, and walk down the street toward the bar as the camera hangs back.

THE END

Not a bad ending, is it? If you think it’s a little too Hollywood or otherwise bland, you can always make a different choice on the previous page or start over on page 1.

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