Dr. Pont Du Loc’s Evil Island: A Choose Your Own Film Adventure Starring Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp Dr. Pont Du Loc's Evil Island poster

So, I had a dream. It had nothing to do with racial equality or any other variation, but it had everything to do with Johnny Depp encountering an evil sorcerer/scientist who lives on an island in a parallel reality and creates horrible-looking demons using men that he somehow lures to the island. Yeah, it’s a lot like The Island of Dr. Moreau, but not. I was going to simply detail this dream in the form of a little film script, but I decided to make it another Choose Your Own Film Adventure instead, this time with a few illustrations (which will come later) to accompany the story. Why not?

And yes, this one is much more massive than the last story I wrote. At 28 pages and nearly 20,000 words, I don’t expect people to reach every ending or plot direction, but let’s just say there are plenty of ways to travel through and end this story.

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2015 in Review for Horribly Amazing Films

WordPress put together another awesome overview of this horribly amazing blog for the year. I’m still not at a million visitors for the year, so that suicide option still stands unless that number is reached by 11:59pm on the 31st. I have my glass of vodka and tray of sleeping pills prepared, so my life officially hinders on your shares.

If I get a million visitors by that time or simply change my mind about killing myself like I did last year, you can expect a new review early in January for Paul Kyriazi’s ninja classic The Weapons of Death. I’m also working on another choose-your-own-film story that could be up sometime later this weekend.

Oh yeah, here’s the report:

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 12,000 times in 2015. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

The Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence Paradox

Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper enjoying being merged together

Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence have appeared in multiple films together, as you may know. In a few they have been romantically involved, such as Silver Linings Playbook, while in others they are simply connected vicariously through other characters, i.e. American Hustle. While watching them in American Hustle–in which Cooper plays an FBI agent bossing around a criminal Christian Bale, whose character is married to Jennifer Lawrence’s–I saw a tear in space and time for a brief period when Cooper and Lawrence were in the same scene, in a casino.

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Is Mr. Robot Actually About Elliot’s Fish?

Mr. Robot on the surface appears to be a television show about an expert hacker with social anxiety who tries to fight an evil corporation with the help of the mysterious Mr. Robot and an underground group of rebellious tech experts called Fsociety. Elliot works with them to coordinate digital attacks while going through a morphine addiction as well as complicated relationships with his longtime friend and another fling. But this is simply the surface story.

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Dean Winters Needs Help for His Dissociative Identity Disorder

Dean Winters as teenage girl in Allstate commercial
No, no you’re not, Dean. You don’t look or sound anything like a teenage girl, and I wish you were aware of that.

For the past few years we’ve seen him tell us with complete sincerity that he’s a football player, teenage girl, a screaming toddler, a hot babe jogging (yeah, sure), and even inanimate objects and weather elements such as a lamp and a “pleasant breeze.” He’s even told us he’s a deer as he wanders into the middle of the street only to let himself get run over by a car to prove a point about insurance. People seem to find this amusing, while I’m seemingly the only one who can see the real tragedy occurring inside this man’s mind.

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Hands of Death (1987) Review

So, for my third to last chapter in “Kung Fu Gunk Fu”, I planned on reviewing Godfrey Ho’s Hands of Death (aka Ninja Operation 7: Royal Warriors, even though it’s not actually a sequel to anything, and there are no warriors or anything “royal”), but then I discovered to my absolute horror that this was not the Hands of Death in my 20 Kung Fu Movie Pack DVD set when sitting down to watch it. Instead, that film turned out to be a different 1974 Hands of Death, aka The Tongfather, starring and directed by Peng (or Roc) Tien.

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New Review Coming Tonight, for Real

I know in my last blog post entry about The Tasting Room I said my new review for Hands of Death would be two weekends ago, but of course things come up. I’ve been working on the review the past few days, though, and I will definitely have it up later this evening. By later this evening, I’m talking around midnight Central Standard Time in America (thought I’d be specific for any international readers).

I wouldn’t even bother posting about this, but I actually saw that someone searched “hands of death 1987 review” today, which probably indicates there’s an audience who might like to see this thing posted.

So, get ready for some Mike Abbott action with those perpetually psychotic eyes.

Mike Abbott surprised with wide eyes

(Source for this magnificent .gif)