Choose Your Own Film Adventure

b. Realizes he can’t actually digest his oatmeal because of his missing stomach

After his tenth bite, the man finally remembers the entire experience that took place at the doctor’s office earlier, and recalls the fact that his stomach is now simply a plug of skin with a cute kids’ cartoon bandaid covering it. This caucusfilia must be in full swing, eh? Upon remembering this, he is suddenly unable to eat and winds up staring at the ceiling of his house, wondering if he’ll ever be able to eat again. At the same time, since oatmeal is all he’s allowed to consume because of his torturous job as “oatmeal man”, he’s relieved that he won’t be able to shove that bland meal down his throat anymore. A wave of complete contentedness washes over him for a split second, before he comes to the frightening realization that he cannot enjoy anything again. He is now officially in mental hell, a result of his caucusfilia and unintended birth.

The man remembers that his mother only kept him and raised him because she “had nothing else to do”, and stares at the ceiling until it melds into an image of every horrible thing from his childhood, from the time his father kicked him all the way from Florida to Eastern Europe over the Atlantic Ocean in an attempt to get rid of him, to the time that Child Protective Services decided he was too worthless to care about. This hopelessness embedded itself in the man until he died from it, slipping into a void so deep and dank that there would be no escape from it, even if he swam as hard as the strongest swimmer. Day Five is but a dream in a nonexistent world for the man.


Go back to page 1 to see if optimism wins in the end.

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