Hands of Death (1987) Review

What’s Baron up to? Looks like his pink ninja troop is ready to kill some people while looking quite intimidating.

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Of course the guy who spied on the Commander tells Baron about their plans, showing the most minimal level of emotions possible.

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Baron decides to split up and send his men to cover the main base while he takes care of the “west and south.” Yeah, that’s efficient; send two men to cover one area (because two men makes a huge difference over one), while one guy covers two other directions.

Time to switch our focus back to Willy, who’s happy he has that one map from the old guy, along with his two goons.

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Willy doesn’t think he can trust Baron, but Baron’s Asian partner on the right there states in an eloquent British accent that Baron has no reason to lie to his partners.

This is good enough of a reason for Willy to trust these two, and they can begin digging the next day.

Where’s Jenny? Oh, she’s just getting shot at by a bunch of Willy’s men as she and that nameless guy from the bar travel down the river.

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One of the guys even throws a grenade at the boat, and the resulting explosion probably cost Godfrey Ho his mortgage. It was obviously worth it for this wonderful work of art.

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Of course, Jenny and the nameless guy escaped.

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Good for them.

Now, the film’s decided it’s time to focus on the group of sex slaves as they laugh and playfully splash in a nearby lagoon.

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That “evil” woman from earlier who watched the women walk back to Willy’s place sits and enjoys the view as well.

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Oooh, what’s going on here?

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Damn, this is some Bohemian paradise, isn’t this? They certainly don’t seem unhappy with this whole sex slave business.

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I think these two men enjoying the show would agree with that sentiment.

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Until Ms. Bitch sees them hiding and shoots at them, at least.

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I have no idea who those guys were, but they run off unscathed, so… um… good? Were they just wandering pervs, or were they planning on saving those women? No matter, it’s time to follow Jenny and nameless dude #1 as they continue to escape.

They get caught by some of Willy’s men, but manage to take care of them well enough, as nameless dude slams some heads together,

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and Jenny stabs her assailant.

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Time to follow our old friend Robert with his shotgun, and… another nameless dude.

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Because everyone’s being followed by someone in this film, we of course see another nameless dude aiming a pistol at them while hiding.

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There’s another guy up in the tree.

The guy with the pistol shoots, which gets Robert to fire back, killing the tree dweller. There happens to be a third guy who reveals himself, but he winds up getting a convenient noose around the neck, which lifts him up a bit.

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Who could this be? Oh, it’s jungle woman!

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She always seems annoyed with what’s going on, but she saves people regardless. Why? We won’t find out anytime soon, as she just runs off again.

Robert’s nameless partner takes care of the first shooter we saw, while Robert chases jungle woman down.

Robert’s partner, while trying to follow, encounters yet another group of Willy’s men who want to fight.

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The guy in black there is about to do a sweet jump kick that will knock the nameless guy on his ass, by the way.

It’s quite a mess as Robert’s partner fights back, grabbing a machete to fight back. But more of Willy’s men stand in the distance and attempt to flank him.

Enough of that, of course. Godfrey Ho’s ambitious ADHD redirects our focus to the Commander as he constructs some nifty booby traps.

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That’s all nice, but what about Chester?

Oh, he’s doing the same shit as everybody else, hiding from Willy’s men and fighting them.

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It looks bad for Chester as Willy’s right-hand bald man aims a shotgun at him, but jungle woman jumps in to tiredly save the day again.

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Chester, like all of the other men who encounter jungle lady, decides to run after her until he sees her trusty tiger lying down in his path.

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Again, the film decides it’s done thinking about these people and instead we find… Robert’s partner and nameless guy fighting? Yet Jenny knows both Robert and the nameless guy. I’m confused.

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But Jenny’s gone off somewhere in the midst of all this.

Oh, there she is, watching from afar, perfectly passive like most female side characters in Godfrey Ho films.

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Oh yeah, she’s gotta become a victim, too.

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The fighting between the two dudes is also interrupted as Willy’s men almost seem to teleport and surround them, planning on taking them back to the main base.

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It’s becoming clearer that I don’t know who to root for in this film as the good guy, the one true hero in all of this. Is it Richard Harrison’s Commander as he pulls his trap back into place and secures it?

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It certainly isn’t Willy, who if anything is Godfrey Ho’s most cheerful villain.

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Willy’s choice simile for describing how smoothly his operation will soon be is “as smooth as pig fat in a pan.” Amazing poetry in the simplest of dialogues.

Willy also seems to enjoy forcing his sex slaves to smoke cigarettes in bed as he aims a gun at them. Um… alright.

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As he seduces this woman, a couple elsewhere go at it like rabid dogs in insane heat. I believe this is Baron’s partner who Willy said could have any woman he wanted from the sex slave group, but as with everything else in this film, I’m unsure because Godfrey Ho just has to have that beautiful ambiguity.

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In another shot, Willy’s maiden for the night begins to touch herself inexplicably as Willy seems to have disappeared.

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