Choose Your Own Film Adventure

b. Discovers his vocal chords have been replaced by oatmeal as well

Attempting to speak with the driver, the man merely experiences the sensation of grainy oatmeal spilling from his mouth. It’s a tragic experience, as the man looks at the driver with a pitiful face that expresses his pure pain. Expecting sympathy from the driver, he is instead met with an absolutely psychotic expression of amusement. The driver’s eyes widen with ecstatic pride in the man’s pain, and a pair of horns shoots up above his thinning head of hair. His jaw drops as his upper lips turn into a perverse smile, and a guttural laugh emerges from his mouth as his canines extend to the length of three feet. They pierce the asphalt road, and he pulls away, laughing as his teeth scrape the road, accompanying the laugh with a solid screech.

The man, feeling defeated, decides he can’t make it and falls asleep on the sidewalk. He wakes up an hour later, the sky full of dark pink swirls of pure evil. He cries oatmeal tears and thinks about how horrible life is. There is no point to anything, he observes, and ends up dying alone in a pool of oatmeal puke, guts, and tears. It’s an oatmeal world that consumes him, and there is nothing else for the man to look forward to. He cannot succeed, and perishes in that very spot. Day Five is but a pitch black dream that could never be.


Page 1. Go back there for another chance at success, my friend.

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