Well, it’s time for another contribution to “Kung Fu Gunk Fu”, with yet another Godfrey Ho masterpiece (seriously, has the guy done anything bad?) called Ninja Champion, from 1985. Yep, another one with “ninja” in the title and a plot that has a ton of Asians with caucasian names, and only a few ninjas. But any movie with ninjas has to include them in the title, according to Godfrey Ho, even if this movie is almost entirely about a rape victim who takes revenge on diamond smugglers, and this woman doesn’t even become a ninja, let alone a ninja champion. This is my longest review so far because this movie has so much amazingness packed into 90 minutes, but I’ve split it into several pages to make the whole reading process a bit simpler.
As a little update, I’ll let my relatively small (but growing) number of readers know that I was planning on reviewing a movie suggested to me a few months ago, a little indie film called Republic of Pete, but I just didn’t think it was big enough to warrant a lengthy examination quite yet. If that film reaches audiences to the point where it’s generally regarded as horribly amazing (I will make this an original catch-phrase, dammit!), then I might review it in the future. You can view the entire qualified masterpiece on YouTube, and it has a mediocre 5.9/10 rating on IMDb that can’t possibly be due to nepotistic rating.
In the meantime, I’ve decided to review a bunch of low-budget Kung Fu movies on my Kung Fu 20 Movie Pack, available on Amazon. This is the absolutely testosterone-rush-inducing cover for the pack:
I’ve cherished these films for years and want to spread the amazingness to the rest of the filmgoers out there. Even though I remember getting this collection at 14 years old thinking the great Bruce Lee would be in there only to mistake the amazing “Bruce Li” for him, I’ve come to adore every single movie in this. My first review will be for the 1990 Godfrey Ho classic Ninja Empire, which should be up by the end of the night tomorrow (between 12-1am CST, because I’m sure you’ll be sitting by your screens for hours, rocking back and forth while sucking your thumbs in anticipation).
As a matter of fact, I’ll compile a full list right now of the films I’ll cover from my collection, some of the absolute best of the bunch (most have either “Ninja” or “Death” in the title, interestingly):
1. Ninja Empire – 1990
2. Ninja Death I – 1987 (don’t know why the sequel isn’t on here)
3. Ninja The Protector – 1986
4. Ninja Champion – 1985
5. Death Machines – 1976
6. Hands of Death – 1987
7. The Weapons of Death – 1982
8. Four Robbers – 1987
While most guys will be busy going out with friends and family or making love to their girlfriends, I’ll be busy guzzling gallons of booze while watching and writing about these award-worthy films for the next couple of months. I promise that all those others will envy my experience. Oh yes, they will.